You can't live a positive life with a negative mind...

I am so grateful I have a positive, optimistic outlook on life. Sure, there have been times that challenged me - like every person out there.  Challenges were hurdles I was able to overcome-but I do recall some were very, very hard.  I am not without empathy.  Death saddens me, hatred makes me cry.  But, I personally try to not waste a lot of time on negativity.  I am lucky, blessed... whatever you call it.  Age helps.  Setting goals and working toward them.  Never giving up.  Finding joy in what I have as well as in what I have had.

Sometimes I feel like throwing up my hands when I see individuals who will not give up their desire to wallow in self-pity, grief, despair in life or an inability to succeed (and it is always someone else's fault).  I lose my patience.

But, I have decided they need to go through their stage, phase or whatever it is of self destructive inability to move forward and I will just get on with my lovely, rewarding life.  Let them wallow in their trough of self pity.  Let them muddy themselves from head to toe with anger, negativity and caustic self deprecation and outward show of hatred of others.

I love my life.  As for me, I will choose happiness!   (See the Positivity project link below). :-)



A few positive quotes,  I especially like Abraham Lincoln's quote:

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. 

Abraham Lincoln

The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does.

James M. Barrie

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passed.
Unknown

To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others. 
Albert Camus

Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.

Dennis Waitley

Happiness is acceptance. 

Unknown

Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy.

Dr. Robert Anthony

Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.

Benjamin Disraeli


Facebook Positivity Project

"When the Going Gets Tough"

Someone who was facing a bout of Lyme disease posted a bunch of motivational phrases that helped him.  Since I love optimistic, motivational STUFF, I thought I would share this.  Maybe one will pop out at you and make a difference in your life.

1. “My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” – Oprah Winfrey
2. “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” - Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
3. “The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.” – William James
4. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
5. “There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.” – Christopher Morley
6. “He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh.” – Koran
7. “Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.” – W.H. Auden
8. “Every artist was first an amateur.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
9. “Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers.” – Charles W. Eliot
10. “We need men who can dream of things that never were.” – John F. Kennedy
11. “Goodness is the only investment that never fails.” – Henry David Thoreau
12. “Friendship make prosperity more shining and lessens adversity by dividing and sharing it.” – Cicero
13. “Man is the artificer of his own happiness.” – Henry David Thoreau
14. “We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson
15. “Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter.” – Joseph Addison
16. “I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.” – Oscar Levant
17. “Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” – M.L. Mencken
18. “Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can.” – Elsa Maxwell
19. “Knowledge is power.” – Sir Francis Bacon
20. “Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.” – Steven Wright
21. “You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand.” – Woodrow Wilson
22. “Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.” – Marian Evans
23. “A ship in harbor is safe— but that is not what ships are for.” – John A. Shedd
24. “Courage is being scared to death – but saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne
25. “Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love.” – David McCullough

Disillusionment

dis·il·lu·sion  (ds-lzhn)

tr.v. dis·il·lu·sioned, dis·il·lu·sion·ing, dis·il·lu·sions

To free or deprive of illusion.

n.

1. The act of disenchanting.

2. The condition or fact of being disenchanted.

Disillusionment 

burst [someone’s] bubble To disabuse; to open someone’s eyes; to shatter someone’s illusions; also pop or break [someone’s] bubble and to prick or put a pin in [someone’s] balloon. This expression refers to the fragile nature of both soap bubbles and human illusions.

cut the ground from under See RUINATION.

everything tastes of porridge An expression used to inject a note of reality into our daydreams. The point is that no matter how grandiose our schemes or how successful our self-delusions, the taste of porridge or the reality of our domestic affairs will always be there to impinge on our fantasies. Porridge, formerly a staple in every household, is a most appropriate symbol of the practical, basic nature of home life.

pull the rug out from under See RUINATION.

disillusionment

noun disenchantment, disappointment, disillusion, enlightenment, rude awakening, lost innocence There is a general sense of disillusionment with the government.

=======================================================================

Today I was disillusioned.  There is no other way to put it.  It kicked me in the gut and I went from challenged, but optimistic to disillusioned in one second flat.  I felt like an inflated tire pierced by a guided missile, losing all my air in one swift gush.  I was poised to leap from one precipice to the other, sure I would meet with success, when someone handed me a tape measure- aka, "reality", and I stood dumbfounded, teetering on the edge with nowhere to go.  The rug was pulled. I had a rude awakening.  

 (I wonder how many more analogies I can come up with?)

In other words, it was not a good moment.

I will update this post when I recover.
====================================================== 2018:  Evidently I recovered.

The Road Less Traveled: Follow up

The Road Less Traveled: Follow up

I wonder some days, what it might be like to take a different road at my stage in life.  If I didn't have to pay for my home, for example, and lived in a small motor home, I would have enough money for gas and traveling.  I could take my laptops and air-card, do my work on the road.  Visit people, see places. Wear sweats.

Why do we oftentimes think the road we are not going down is more inviting and rewarding?   I am reminded of an Oprah page I saw on Facebook today: Be happy for 30 days.  I did a search online and came up with some simple advice, copied & credited below.


Because most of my life has been filled with optimism and delight, I like this person's advice. (yes, I had a previous dark side-so I can identify...BUT ONLY UP TO A POINT...with the angst and drama in young women's lives today.  My simple advice?  Get the hell over yourself and start thinking broader - move on.  Life is a lot more fun and rewarding when you climb out of your wee little microcosm of "me-space".)


From Chief Change Optimist & author,  Ariane de Bonvoisin's blog: http://www.first30days.com/


Top 5 Things to Do
If the idea of being happier seems too impossible to wrap your mind around, step back and reconsider. A positive frame of mind can make all the difference. Here are the top five things you can do to enjoy your journey to happiness.

1. Train your brain.
Happiness is largely dictated by your habits. Years of negative reinforcement may have led the brain to think unhappiness is the norm. You can break that tendency by creating new rituals. Start by becoming aware of your current habits and noting the negative ones. Then try to consciously change them into more positive ones. Be forceful if you have to and don’t give up. Progress comes through repetition.

2. Be grateful.
Experts agree that taking a few minutes a day to note what you’re grateful for is a great way to start on the road to happiness. If you focus on the positive things, rather than complaining about the negative ones, you’ll develop a much broader spectrum of appreciation in your daily life and enjoy it more. It may help to start writing a few items down each day in a gratitude journal.

3. Do what makes you happy.
It may sound obvious, but so many of us neglect the things that we want to do for the things we think we should do. Or, we spend time obsessing about things we can do nothing about. Make a conscious effort to incorporate more of the things that make you happy in your life. Do you enjoy eating lunch in the park? Does the feeling of sand between your toes thrill you? Do you like to read a story to your children before bedtime? Well, then do it and do it often!

4. Hang out with happy people.
As the saying goes, “You are the company you keep.” If you want to enjoy happier living, then surround yourself with positive, happy people who will support you in your quest for happiness. Do your best to avoid negative people who will only bring you down.

5. Don’t beat yourself up.
Everyone makes mistakes but it’s how you deal with these mistakes that really makes a difference. Don’t let setbacks bring you down to the point where you consider giving up. Instead, acknowledge the error and quickly move past it. On the other hand, when you experience successes, pay attention to what you did right so you can repeat it.

SHOULD my BLOG have a new theme?

I wonder if I should have a (strong) theme like some people do.  They write about home cooking; living off the grid, poetry, writing, movies ... mine is just about me and what I think some days.  A rambling series of semi-motivational blogs, personal goals and a few rants.  WHAT could be my theme?  I love project management, but thousands already do a fabulous job writing about PM.  Movies or books?  The same.

But...no one else writes about ME.  My family will need "something" for my obit one day - and not many know what I really do.

So, I will add the 2012 "Women in Business" article about myself.   Nicely written by Marie Nitke, editor of the East Otter Tail Focus (regional newspaper).   I probably should mention I have NINE, not eight grandchildren.  My error.  I have lived in several other places too: Washington, Oregon, California.  We have owned lovely homes in Washington, Missouri, Michigan and Minnesota.

I love Otter Tail County, MN.  Wouldn't mind going somewhere else in Jan-Mar though, if Bruce could also go.  That will be a topic for a future blog.

Enjoy Each Day...Don't let yesterday use up too much of today

I have heard great quotes through the years, but as I grow older---living in today means more and more to me.  Enjoy each day, don't sweat the small stuff, etc.  It makes my heart ache to see young women agonizing over mistakes made, over drama that I wish they would address, think logically about and get over it.  I do not think men go through the same self-demeaning agony women do!  What a waste of time.

• Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.  ~Cherokee Indian Proverb

• If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying.  It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.  ~Dale Carnegie

• Don't keep making the same damn mistakes and imagining a different outcome!  That's a good one too.

• You can't wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time.  ~Pat Schroeder

People will never forget how you made them feel...

I recently found myself blabbing away to a nice lady from a local bank.  She was so good at eliciting information soon I was telling her about places we had lived, my husband and my careers...When I was done, I realized what a good SPY she would make.

What she did was make me feel good about myself. I will never forget how she made me feel.

I was reminded (yet again) of Maya Angelou's quote------->>

A little extra kindness and sugar instead of vinegar doesn't hurt a person.  Be generous with praise and kindness.  Some people hold it tight to themselves, perhaps thinking if you give away too much, you lose some of yourself?  I am not sure.

There have been times I wish I could take back something I said or did.  That is never doable.


I do know the more positive energy and kindness you give away, the more beautiful your life becomes.

People will never forget how you made them feel...and dealing with a hurtful lie.

-Maya Angelo


===============================================================================

This is an old blog from a few years ago that I never published.  I thought it still had some value.

=================================================================================

2012

Recently I have been hurt to the core by mistruths and lies.  I was struck to the core of my being.  How could someone say such a thing about me?  Do they have a (creative) memory issue?  Was it anger at me and trying to make me look bad to other people when they were in an alcoholic stupor?  I was grateful someone was blunt and told me what this person said.

I have had to ponder it.  I asked my husband, "what should I do?  Should I confront the person?"  

He answered, "That's a tough question.  You could tell them how much it hurt you.  But, they may just lie to you, because you have heard them do so before."  He went on to logically lay out the results.  While it may not have solved my dilemma, it calmed me down and dried my tears.  It is hard to be a 60 year old woman who is usually so positive sobbing in anguish - but it happened. 

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Only you can allow people to make you feel inferior", I would replace inferior with the word "betrayed".  Trouble is, that is easier said than done.   "Is this worth my time?" may be a better question.  I decided, NO. It is not.  I have now spent enough time on it.

I am moving forward.  I will feel sorry for the person who felt they had to lie to make themselves feel even an inch taller and leave it at that. 

================================================================================

On a similar note - 
“Only hang around people that are positive and make you feel good. Anybody who doesn’t make you feel good kick them to the curb and the earlier you start in your life the better. The minute anybody makes you feel weird and non included or not supported, you know, either beat it or tell them to beat it.”  ~ Amy Poehler

My 2012 Goals - Progress so far...

UPDATE: October 20, 2012

A friend posted this picture today that made me think I need to SAVOR my life's journey even more than I do.  Therefore; one more goal: Give thanks each day for ENJOYING something!

Davis I sometimes wonder about this, as I DO enjoy the journey. For example, everytime I update my BLOG, I give thanks for something THAT day. But, what might make me "Enjoy" the journey even more is to give thanks and think about EACH day's journey. For example: yesterday we made a drive to visit a grandaughter and family, turned around and drove home. On the way I read a great free Kindle book called "Margaret's Ark", we enjoyed a benefit dinner last night and several friends played "Words with Friends" with me. I really enjoyed yesterday and give thanks. :-)

My 2012 Goals.  Thinking about them. Goals are important to have. I think it's important not to have too many.  Select about 5-10 goals a year to accomplish.  Anything more is frosting on the cake if it gets done.

Progress so far....

2012 Goals:

Step One-Determine what prevented me from accomplishing above, and create a plan for success.

In a nutshell:

- Money - oh dear.

- Motivation - just do it!

- Putting myself & my health first every day of the week

Q1-Q2 2012:

1) Renovate laundry room w/restructuring; new washer & dryer and a place to support our hobby of wine-making

• Accomplished - almost.  new washer & dryer installed, a counter and cabinet installed.  Contacted a plumber to move some utility room items ---he never showed.  (not the first time, I told Bruce to find someone else).  Need utility sink installed and some upper cabinets, but I would say it is 75% done.
• October update - NADA

2) New large-screen 3D TV in family room along with relocating furniture. Move to 2013

• Probably will not happen in 2012 - not the highest priority.  3D, 60" selected.
• October update:  The room is all ready, we moved our existing TV into the family room which made Bruce realize he wants to change the whole configuration of the room.  Good thing we are taking our time.

3) Install new hardwood floor on main floor - move to Q3

• I really want to do this.  I picked out hardwood - maple w/50 year warranty from Home Depot. $$$
• October update:  We had Karen and Eric refinish floors instead.  They will be ok for a couple years.  Maybe then we will replace.  Consider this DONE!

4) Install shower in family room bath - move to 2013

• Not top priority either, since we have 2 baths - Nice to have in basement family room for guests, though. $$.  I have selected tiles.
• October - Not a high priority.

5) Walk at least 4 days a week

• This is TOP NOTCH PRIORITY and FREE!!!  I MUST DO THIS!
• October.  Does occasional mall shopping count?

Q3-Q4 2012:  MAYBE.

1) Install electricity in garage/shed -  No progress

2) Install wood stove and chimney in garage/shed - No progress

3) NEW - Meet with Edward Jones and implement retirement strategy.- Woops, I forgot!

50 Things to do Instead of Snacking

50 Things to do Instead of Snacking (I stole this from Michelle Vicari, thank you Michelle)

1. Imagine the new healthier you 
2. Walk around the block 
3. Call a friend 
4. Make a list of your Top Ten Reasons to Lose Weight 
5. Make a To Do list 
6. Turn on music and dance 
7. Jot a thank you note to someone 
8. Go to bed early or take a nap
9. Read a book 
10. Blog or journal
11. Give yourself a manicure or pedicure 
12. Plan a healthy meal for your family 
13. Surf the Internet 
14. Finish an unfinished project 
15. Walk your dog, pet your cat, feed your fish
16. Brush your teeth 
17. Balance your checkbook 
18. Say a prayer 
19. Chop veggies to keep on hand 
20. Give a massage 
21. Clean out a junk drawer 
22. Play a game with your kids 
23. Try a new route on your walk
24. Drink a glass of water 
25. Kiss someone 
26. Try on some of your clothes 
27. Look at old pictures 
28. Rent a video 
29. Wash your car 
30. Take a hot, soothing bath 
31. Update your calendar 
32. Work in your yard 
33. Start your holiday shopping list 
34. Count your blessings 
35. Write a letter 
36. Fold some laundry 
37. Check your e-mail 
38. Give your dog a bath 
39. Send a birthday card 
40. Meditate 
41. Hug someone 
42. Rearrange some furniture 
43. Light a fire or some candles 
44. Put your pictures in an album 
45. Plan a trip (real or imaginary)
46. Straighten a closet 
47. Clean out files 
48. Visit a friend
49. Clean out your trunk
50. Do something nice for someone

Alcoholism...a cruel disease

 It's a horrible thing to watch an alcoholic ruin their health, career, potential. I have heard it is a true miracle when the obession to drink gets removed. It can happen, and does happen, to people around the world, every day. I'm praying that it happens for someone I know and love.

Studies show you can't get them sober. The only person who can get an alcoholic sober is the alcoholic him/herself.

Also, never try to reason with a drunk.  The logic side of their brain is completely PICKLED!  Next time I get a call I will just LISTEN ...or HANG UP.

"Forgive yourself and you will be free"...Marcia & Carol

Self-Forgiveness

---------------------

Can You Stop a Person from Drinking Themselves to Death...

What NOT to do

1. Do NOT try to confront the person while they are drunk. You will get nowhere.

2. Do NOT confront the person with accusations or threats. These will be met with deaf ears and denial.

3. Do NOT try to shame the person into stopping -- for the sake of their wife/husband, kids, parents, work, or whatever. Sad to say, the person's love and loyalty are no match for the powerful urge to drink that controls his brain and body.

4. Do NOT try to control the drinker's drinking yourself. It may make you feel better to comb the house for hidden bottles. You may feel righteous pouring the drinker's stash down the sink. This will not deter the drinker for long.There's always a way to get more.  It will only set him/her against you. Besides, do you really want them driving to the store? Probably not.

4. Do NOT believe the drinker's promises. They may be said in all sincerity (or just to get you to back off). However, they are hollow. Again, once that thirst kicks in, an ocean full of booze isn't big enough to quench it.

Things you CAN do

1. Enlist the help of the people you met at the AA meetings. Ask them to do what's called a "12-step" call. This means they will come and meet with the drinker and share their own stories. The alcoholic-to-alcoholic, peer-to-peer bond is magical.

2. Give the Big Book to the drinker and suggest (never demand) that he/she read it.

3. Offer to take the drinker to an AA meeting. Schedules should be readily available online. Hard copies are available at all meetings.

4. Set your boundaries. Decide what you are/are not willing to tolerate. If the person's drinking is negatively impacting your quality of life, know that you do NOT have to live that way. You can reclaim your life. Tell the person you will no longer (fill in the blank). This might include:

--- talk to them on the phone when they're drunk

--- let them crash at your house

--- give them money

---let them be alone with their kids or grandkids

---whatever other consequences will be meaningful and put them on notice that you mean business

Once you make the boundaries clear, don't back down. And don't let them manipulate you into backing down -- they WILL try! Remember, they're desperate.

NAPS

NAPS.  I take naps relatively often.  I love them.  Not long ones, maybe anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours, depends on the day.

Today I had a nice long, restful Sunday nap...over an hour. The nap energized me and gave me enthusiasm to cook a great Sunday baked pork chop & gravy dinner and also bake lemon-lime bars: both new recipes.

From the  "Eight Benefits of Napping" by Brett & Kate McKay (link below):

Sadly, napping is often frowned upon in our workaholic American culture. When we think of napping men we think of Dagwood passed out on the couch after consuming a giant, delicious sandwich. Naps are for the lazy and unambitious. Or for retirees with plenty of time on their hands. The man who falls asleep at his desk at work is laughed at. And when we doze off, we feel guilty.

But in reality, the nap stigma is incredibly misplaced. Naps can be one of the most powerful tools for self-improvement; they can increase not only our health and well-being but our intelligence and productivity as well. This is something great men have known all along. History is full of famous nappers. Famous thinkers and leaders like Edison, JFK, Churchill, and Napoleon were all ardent nappers.

Naps are good for us for many reasons (some are links):

• Restore the spirit
• Good for your heart 
• Eight benefits of napping, I like one listed here: save $30 a week on Starbucks and energy drinks...just take a nap.
• Boost your memory
• Seven secrets to a GREAT NAP

Well, that's it for today.  Tired?  Take a NAP.  You will be doing yourself and everyone around you a favor.

Credit for pictures: 1) napping child: www.divinecrash.com 2) napping coworkers: Janet Hamlin/AP

Melba - a Small Tribute

February 2012

Melba, my mother in law,  passed away recently.  She was kind and always worried she wasn't doing enough for others.  She never understood cruelty.

The last meal she made for us was a stark contrast to so many elegant, delicious meals she had made for us throughout my life knowing her (about 27 years).  While her always apparent desire to please and feed us was there, the one can of tomato soup among 5 people was sad but funny at the same time. Her table was set nicely, but not like I recall with great elegance and care. But, she insisted we eat. Somehow, I felt full after I had some toast and a few spoons of soup.  It made me think of Jesus feeding a crowd with the 5 loaves and 2 fishes!

Soon after, she went into a nursing home for Dementia/Alzheimer patients. A few months later she fell, broke her hip and died in the hospital a few days later.

Those last months of Melba's life were not who she really was, although there were glimpses.  I will choose to remember a woman who loved shopping with me, nice clothes, pretty jewelry, her family and close friends.  I will miss her.    Sometime I will come back here and write more about her. For now, my simple thoughts will suffice.
--------------------------

"Remember, you are still my sweetheart and I love you"

Recently Bruce and I traveled from MN to WA to help Bruce's brother Gary move his dad to a studio apartment.  My mother in law had recently been transferred to a special facility for people with dementia and alzheimers.  Dad is a short little man, bright and still witty at 98.

We visited mom one day.  She greeted us with a smile and a hug, asked me to stay for a few days...then seemed to drift off.  She is deaf, so it was very hard to communicate.  None of us were real sure she knew us.  I remembered her as a vibrant, active, family-oriented woman.  A strong Mormon, a great cook, well-dressed and always in great shape.  She didn't look much different, except for her lack of communication.

A day later, after we moved dad (with brother in law Richard's help), placed pictures on the walls and organized him for comfort and safety, we all went back to visit mom .  I took a paper and pen and wrote who we were.  She smiled broadly... pointing us out to a worker by name.  Later she pointed to Bruce and explained to a fellow resident, "That's Gary, he is just back from his mission a couple weeks ago".   Most of her sentences were disjointed and did not make sense.  We sat there for perhaps 40 minutes talking, but not understanding most of what she was saying.

As we went to leave, dad hugged her close and said in her ear several times, "Remember, you are still my sweetheart and I love you".

I quickly left the room with my brother in law Gary behind me.  I broke into gut-wrenching sobs.